Paleo Fail-eo!

Paleo

A friend asked me if I would agree to go on a blind date.  Sure, why not!

So she passes on my number.  A few days later he calls.  TICK! Any man willing to pick up the phone these days is a rarity and I have great respect for the courage this takes.

So we meet in the city for a coffee.  I find him attractive, short, but attractive and he has a flawless smile.

We get chatting and he tells me about his job, his travels and the like.  We order a coffee he tells me this is a REAL TREAT for him.  A coffee… really? I think that’s a bit odd and decide then and there not to tell him about my two coffee a day habit.

The conversation continues and he tells me he is a strict Paleo dieter I ask a bit about it and I find it quite interesting.  I mention to him how much I love food and going out for dinner.  He looks blankly at me and replies “I don’t like going out for dinner”.  This floors me.  What kind of martin doesn’t enjoy going out for dinner? nice food, nice wine, no dishes. … What’s not to like?  Sit me down for a nine  course degustation and I am happiest girl on Earth.

I ask why he doesn’t like to go out for dinner and he tells me this is because he needs to know where his food is sourced, how it is prepared, that it must only be cooked in butter, not oil and he only eats grass fed, not grain fed meat.

In my head all I think is how would we date? Having him over for dinner would be more stressful than passing a gallstone.  Nonetheless, he is nice and I come to the decision to have an open mind about it.  I decide in my head that I would give him a second date if the opportunity arose.

A day or so later I get the classic ‘let up then let down’ text message “Sorry I haven’t called….You’re stunningly beautiful (queue let down)……but I just don’t think I’d do it justice right now”.

Having only been single since the start of the year I have been out of the dating game for a few years and I must admit I had not prepared myself for rejection.  I felt humiliated, self conscious and floored.  Rejection is never fun but that’s the nature of the dating beast.

After the initial humiliation I realised I appreciated the fact he had the respect to let me know he wasn’t interested rather than just disappear off the face of the Earth.

Rejection… ahhh  happens to the best of us right?

The Single Melbournian

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An oldie but a goodie…

Inspired by a response to one of my blogs today:

“Being single doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about love, it just means you know enough to wait for it.”- Unknown

Alarm Clock

The Older Man

Older Man

When I was 23 I started to spend time with a friend’s older brother.  He was very charismatic and, at the age of 38, he was also 15 years older than me.

He lived a couple of suburbs away and I would spend time over there a couple of times a week.  After a few months, he eventually put the hard word and me and asked why we never actually went out in public, or on any proper dates.

Now the truthful response would have been “because my friends are cracking constant RSL jokes and I don’t feel comfortable with the age gap “  but of course I couldn’t say this and so the date was on.

By this stage I had slept with him once.  I felt I owed it to myself, and to him to give it a chance that, and I genuinely did enjoy his company so I agreed to go on an ‘official’ date.  We went out for Japanese and although the food was lovely, I just could not relax and enjoy myself.  I felt self conscious and all I could think about was how I would break it to my parents if things got serious.  They would not have been pleased.

I knew in my gut that I couldn’t do it.  I felt too young, and it just wasn’t for me.   

I called him the next day and fessed up.  He was not happy.  Immediately I was deleted from Facebook and he never spoke to me again.

At the age I am now a 15 year age difference wouldn’t phase me, but at the time the age gap between us felt as vast as the Pacific Ocean.  In hindsight it probably wasn’t, and I should not have worried so much about what other people may have thought, but I couldn’t change how I felt. 

Having said that,  I actually know a girl who at the age of 25 married someone 15 odd years her senior, has taken on step children and is blissfully happy.  An older man is sometimes exactly what people need in a successful relationship.

What is the biggest age gap you have had in a relationship?

The Single Melbournian

Damsels in Distress

Damsels

 

Do you remember reading fairy tales? There always seems to be a damsel in distress rescued by some buff and handsome prince – Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White you name it, only became happy when rescued by a prince.  Well it has come to my attention that the world of dating may still work that way.

A colleague and I have discussed this topic on many occasion.  She says that men feel intimidated when she tells them she is a lawyer and finds it hard to secure a second date.   She insists men aren’t interested in a woman who has a successful career and is more than capable of financially supporting herself.  Her view is that men need to feel needed, like they can provide for someone.  They possess the typical hunter/gather mentality and therefore prefer to date Damsels in Distress in order to stroke their egos.

While I do see her point, as a girl who too is financially independent, has assets and is more than capable of supporting herself, I simply refuse to believe that this is the case.

I would love to hear some male views on this topic because if this is the mentality of the current day man then many any of us are screwed.

Girls, it is the 21st Century.  The world is our oyster.  Women are capable of climbing the career ladder, earning six figure incomes and fending for themselves.

With that, I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Susan B. Anthony.  It has a special place on my fridge:

“I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on Earth.  The sense of independence and security is very sweet.”

Don’t forget this.

The Single Melbournian

The Soul Crusher

The Soul Crusher

It’s funny how when you try and avoid something, the Universe humbles you with a nice hard slap in the face, presents it to you and says ” here it is, deal with it” and that is exactly what happened to me tonight.

Truthfully, I had been putting off writing this article because I simply didn’t want to think about it, deal with it or write about it.

So when I avoided the issue, the Universe bought it to me in the form of The Soul Crusher himself, standing right at the front counter of my gym.  What ensued was a friendly exchange in which he told me he has decided to sign up at the gym……my gym.  Splendid! 😦

So here it is:

The Soul Crusher and I dated for three and a half years.  This has been my longest relationship to date.  Although I genuinely do not believe he did this intentionally, the Soul Crusher messed with my life, emotions and well being for majority of this time.

It was perhaps six months after The Stoner that I met The Soul Crusher.   At this point in my life, I was young, happy and full of confidence.   I agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend who had recently relocated back to Melbourne after several years in Europe.

I was instantly attracted to him.  He was a gym junkie and a great body and boy did he know it too!  I should have sensed the fact that he was an egomaniac from the get go when after our first date he declared:

“I know you were pleasantly surprised at my looks. I could tell from the look on your face when I opened the door.”

He started off semi humble, a respectable tradesman but wanted to move into emergency services.  Which he did successfully.  He was goal driven, focused I’ll give him that.

On the day of his graduation he looked at me and said.  “I did it.  Now when people ask me now what I do for a living I can say I am a hero”.  I was confused.  To me, he was just my boyfriend.  He had not had one day on the job and I could not help but wonder who removed my boyfriend and replaced him with this self important super hero.  The egomanic had landed and was here to stay.

The Soul Crusher could be lovely, kind and funny…. as long as things were to his liking and it was something of interest to him.  He was funny and generous and we did have a great deal of fun together.

After the first year however things got worse.   He would talk about our future together, moving in together and then inexplicably would dump me.    I would wake up the next morning to a garbage bag of my belongings he had placed on my front door step.   Truly, this happened on several occasions.

He would plan holidays with me and with a week or two notice end the relationship and tell me our trip was cancelled.  This happened twice leaving me horrified, humiliated and having to fabricate an explanation to friends and family as to why my holiday was cancelled.

This vicious cycle went on and on – a few months of bliss, a month or two of break up, back to bliss.

Every time The Soul Crusher caught wind that I seeing someone else he would rear his ugly head and tell me what a mistake it had all been.  He would then write me letters, emails leave flowers on my car telling me he was sorry and wanted me back, he would make it work etc etc.

The relationship had become toxic for both of us, but more so for me.  I was becoming a wreck.  My mother voiced her concerns on many occasions, my weight, my lack of appetite, my spark they were all fading away.  Every time I heard from him I felt a rush of adrenaline, happiness, elation.  The Soul Crusher was my kryptonite.  I knew it wasn’t healthy, I  knew it was slowly killing me, but I couldn’t stay away.   I had become riddled with anxiety and even experienced panic attacks.

I was pathetic and desperate.  I was boring people to death taking about it.   I was so ashamed at the fact that I kept taking him back I began to hide it from my friends, work colleagues and family.

This went on for years!

So how did it finally end? He rang me up at work, on my private line and said “look I just don’t want to marry you” and hung up the phone.

I was heartbroken.  It took me years to fully get over The Soul Crusher.

So what did I learn:

Firstly, I will never be treated like that again.  If someone wants to be with you they will.  It shouldn’t be so hard.

Secondly, you can’t flog dead horse.   It’s ok to walk away when something is not working, impacting your life and there is no hope that it can change.  I wish I had the strength back then.

The Single Melbournian.

How do you know when the One is the One?

How do you know when the one is the one

I unashamedly love love stories.  Always have and always will.  Though, not the farfetched stories you see on the big screen; the real life “how did you meet” and “how did he propose” kind of stories.

I am awestruck that I have now had three women tell me that knew they were going to marry their current husband’s the first time they met them.

Their stories are as follows:

Scenario One

A friend went on holidays with her then boyfriend and a group of his friends for a week over the Summer holidays.  Although nothing happened between them, she said by the end of the week she “just knew” that she was going to marry one of her boyfriends friends.  So confident was she, that she went home and told her mother she had met her future husband.

A few months later her and her boyfriend broke up, the friend that she had met over the Summer holiday tracked her down on Facebook. They went on a date.  Fast forward five years and they are married with two children.

Scenario Two

A friend of mine was out one night with her friends.  She started talking to a guy she thought was attractive.  She said as soon as she kissed him she had an overwhelming feeling this was the man she was going to marry.  She was correct, they married a few years later.

Scenario Three

A colleague of mine, now in her mid forties, told me that at the age of 17 she was at a party with a date.  She said she looked across the party saw a dark haired man and felt an overpowering feeling he was going to be an important part of her life.  She ended up ditching her date for the night, got talking to this dark haired man. They hit it off.  Fast forward 23 years they are married, have a teenage son and the rest is history.

I, obviously being The Single Melbournian! have never been in this situation, nor do I think that I have I been remotely close to experiencing this feeling.  Personally, I don’t like to count my chickens before they hatch so running around telling people I have met my future husband on the first meeting is an entirely bizarre concept to me however, I do believe this occurs.  Whenever I am told a story like this I find myself absorbing every detail, smiling blissfully at the prospect that this can happen to any person at anytime.

I honestly cannot tell you how much these stories fascinate me and I would love to hear more of them if anyone has been in, or knows someone who has been in a similar situation?

The Single Melbournian!