It’s funny how when you try and avoid something, the Universe humbles you with a nice hard slap in the face, presents it to you and says ” here it is, deal with it” and that is exactly what happened to me tonight.
Truthfully, I had been putting off writing this article because I simply didn’t want to think about it, deal with it or write about it.
So when I avoided the issue, the Universe bought it to me in the form of The Soul Crusher himself, standing right at the front counter of my gym. What ensued was a friendly exchange in which he told me he has decided to sign up at the gym……my gym. Splendid! 😦
So here it is:
The Soul Crusher and I dated for three and a half years. This has been my longest relationship to date. Although I genuinely do not believe he did this intentionally, the Soul Crusher messed with my life, emotions and well being for majority of this time.
It was perhaps six months after The Stoner that I met The Soul Crusher. At this point in my life, I was young, happy and full of confidence. I agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend who had recently relocated back to Melbourne after several years in Europe.
I was instantly attracted to him. He was a gym junkie and a great body and boy did he know it too! I should have sensed the fact that he was an egomaniac from the get go when after our first date he declared:
“I know you were pleasantly surprised at my looks. I could tell from the look on your face when I opened the door.”
He started off semi humble, a respectable tradesman but wanted to move into emergency services. Which he did successfully. He was goal driven, focused I’ll give him that.
On the day of his graduation he looked at me and said. “I did it. Now when people ask me now what I do for a living I can say I am a hero”. I was confused. To me, he was just my boyfriend. He had not had one day on the job and I could not help but wonder who removed my boyfriend and replaced him with this self important super hero. The egomanic had landed and was here to stay.
The Soul Crusher could be lovely, kind and funny…. as long as things were to his liking and it was something of interest to him. He was funny and generous and we did have a great deal of fun together.
After the first year however things got worse. He would talk about our future together, moving in together and then inexplicably would dump me. I would wake up the next morning to a garbage bag of my belongings he had placed on my front door step. Truly, this happened on several occasions.
He would plan holidays with me and with a week or two notice end the relationship and tell me our trip was cancelled. This happened twice leaving me horrified, humiliated and having to fabricate an explanation to friends and family as to why my holiday was cancelled.
This vicious cycle went on and on – a few months of bliss, a month or two of break up, back to bliss.
Every time The Soul Crusher caught wind that I seeing someone else he would rear his ugly head and tell me what a mistake it had all been. He would then write me letters, emails leave flowers on my car telling me he was sorry and wanted me back, he would make it work etc etc.
The relationship had become toxic for both of us, but more so for me. I was becoming a wreck. My mother voiced her concerns on many occasions, my weight, my lack of appetite, my spark they were all fading away. Every time I heard from him I felt a rush of adrenaline, happiness, elation. The Soul Crusher was my kryptonite. I knew it wasn’t healthy, I knew it was slowly killing me, but I couldn’t stay away. I had become riddled with anxiety and even experienced panic attacks.
I was pathetic and desperate. I was boring people to death taking about it. I was so ashamed at the fact that I kept taking him back I began to hide it from my friends, work colleagues and family.
This went on for years!
So how did it finally end? He rang me up at work, on my private line and said “look I just don’t want to marry you” and hung up the phone.
I was heartbroken. It took me years to fully get over The Soul Crusher.
So what did I learn:
Firstly, I will never be treated like that again. If someone wants to be with you they will. It shouldn’t be so hard.
Secondly, you can’t flog dead horse. It’s ok to walk away when something is not working, impacting your life and there is no hope that it can change. I wish I had the strength back then.
The Single Melbournian.
The single melbournian 